Today is one of those days when I try and have a re-think of my life and subsequently do an evaluation. I don’t know if this is because I know someone right at the beginning of his prime who died today due to medical negligence. But anyway, I have been feeling bored, tired and lacklustre recently. Someone then said to me that everything in life is about the big “why”. And if I don’t find out the big why, I would never feel happy or fulfilled in life. So here goes nothing.
Why was I born? Why was I born, and why now and not at some other time?
This is probably an unanswerable question you have asked, but I assume you’re asking why is my consciousness that I recognize as “me” existing? And why in this present, and not in the past or future? I really do not know. But I know this, you were born to be a game changer. So start acting as one. Have you ever wondered why you always do your things differently. You defy conventions all the time and still end up with outstanding results. Take a look around you, the world is crumbling, it will take a crazy, stubborn and smart person to survive. You are crazy, stubborn and smart. You are the beacon of hope to many in this century. You may not believe it but it is true.
Why are my parents, my parents?
If you were born differently, you probably wouldn’t be where you are. Your genetic makeup might not have been as nice. They’re your parents because they helped to shape your future, shape the way you reason. They taught you to be unassuming. You have to admit it’s come a long way in helping you maintain healthy relationships. It is now left for you to choose and decide on the morals you will keep and the ones you will drop.
Why do I have the number of siblings I have?
Because you complete each other. Life is complementary and supplementary. I mean a couple of years ago, through your sister you learned that you nagged and stopped it immediately. Yes, given the situation now, probably life would have been less worrisome if you had fewer siblings. But if you did, you probably wouldn’t have known Glycated Haemoglobin, the Emirates monarchical system, the Asaba Genocide etc.
Why am I tall?
Because you are a colossus. People will be able to see you from afar. You cannot be hidden. People will always stare at you, make it worth their while.
Why am I beautiful?
*scratches head* Are you beautiful?
Why do I have a few health problems?
Because no one is born perfect. There is no way you can have everything physically, mentally, intellectually, financially. One has to be out of the equation. You’re managing it well aren’t you? You are not letting it affect your day to day activities. The only thing is you need to stop getting angry. It is part of who you are for now. You cannot run away from it. Hate it as much as you want to but don’t try anything stupid. I know what you’re thinking. Do not try it.
Why did I go into the Social Sciences?
You wanted to be a good person. Remember what I said about being a beacon of hope? I think the social sciences will help you. See how far it’s brought you. See the amount of knowledge you’ve amassed from just this short period of delving into it. You have to admit that it made you smarter, sharper and wittier.
Why is life mean to me?
Life is not mean to you. You are mean to life. You treat life the way you treat your house. You always put everything in order, you instruct her, you keep little notes on how and when to do things. Life is an adult, give her her freedom to do as she pleases. Do not try to control her. She gets mad when you do. You know how she is, don’t you? When she’s angry she practices the principle of transferred aggression.
Why is growing up so difficult for me?
It isn’t simple for anyone. I admit that it appears as if some people get it easy. You best believe that you’re better off than most people. Adulthood let you off easy in my opinion. Do you really want me to give you examples of those who’ve had it worse. I think you need to stop comparing yourself with those in your inner circle. Yes, they’re doing well, yes they are “accomplished”. But remember that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
Your problem is that you want to do everything quickly, you matured faster than your age and you feel behind or useless since life is working with your age and not your maturity. Just calm down, you are young, try and enjoy life while you still can. Everything will fall into place one day.
Yes I know I try to do things speedily but at least I should have a goal right? So why don’t I have a goal? Why don’t I have a clear picture of life ahead of me?
Again with the many questions. I think I know your problem. You have atychiphobia. You are too hard on yourself. That phase of your life is over. This is not primary school when you were scared to present your end of term result despite taking the fourth position in class.
Now look within, is it that you do not have a goal or you’re scared to even dream of a goal. I know you, you are someone who would go to great lengths to avoid things that are unlikely to have a favorable ending. Perfection is an illusion babe. It is not a real thing. Life isn’t clear for anyone, with life, the more you look, the less you see. So close your eyes and just breathe. It will come to you. I am positive.
Why can I not love?
Because you are too scared. You are scared of giving everything to one person. Man is not an island you know. Yes, I know you have faults, I do not think anyone cares. You overthink things too much.
You are afraid of rejection. Rejections must happen. Even if you love someone, you end up driving them away. I do not think you can recognise love even when it’s staring deep into your eyes.
Because you are very difficult. You need to learn how to live life one step at a time. Things are not always rosy you know. And I really don’t think you cannot love. I think you are just pretending.
*rolls eyes repeatedly*…