I don’t know why I started this particular post. Unlike my other posts, I think and restructure my words before I write.
I don’t think there is an English word that can describe how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m not happy but I’m not sad either. I want to talk to someone but also I don’t want to. I feel a sense of obligation to him but I’m also angry at him. I’m supposed to feel a sense of accomplishment but why do I just feel hopeless and useless.
I can feel him coming; nearer and nearer
I hear his heavy footsteps on the walls of my heart
Man’s worst sickness he is called,
Each step he takes forward drives me further into emptiness
I have escaped his clutches for far too long
I dillied and dallied hoping to find succour some other way
I bathed with the soap of excitement and water of passion
And now I’m sinking but there’s not a hook to grab on to.
My dreams have turned into my worst nightmares,
My hopes and aspirations uprooted forcefully from the ground while still a seedling
I hear the voices saying “don’t limit yourself with your present situation”
But how can I not? I dare you to walk a day in my shoes.
Then maybe the reality of my situation will change your opinion.
I’m tempted to say you left me alone
But they say angels are watching over me all night and all day
I want to believe that, because if I am not able to believe;
Then I’m letting go of the last thread of my sanity.